Here at Evolution we pride ourselves on offering a neutral space where anyone from any particular persuasion can come and enjoy a true mabuhay and céad míle fáilte. We never mix politics and pleasure and keep a tight lip on controversial topics that might offend. Indeed since our inception we have never gender profiled our toilets and they remain non binary and completely epithet fluid to this day.
So when arguments break out about how the current President of the United States colluded with Russia to get elected we simply respond just be careful what you read on Facebook as it is all utter made up nonsense.
If customers quarrel that Mr Trump was not the winner of the popular vote we politely suggest that the cumbersome US electorate system perhaps needs an overhaul. If pushed in to a corner we’ll sweetly suggest a little less gerrymandering by State legislature would go a long way to a more partial and representative experience for the great American voter. I mean that is just common sense right?
Living and working in the Philippines, an incredible and beautiful country with some curious political leanings of its own, we have truly learnt to walk the line of natter neutrality.
But enough is enough. We can keep silent no more.
A recent interview with a former associate (ahem) of The Donald turned up some outrageous and scurrilous information that cannot be ignored. Donald Trump hates sharks. FACT.
Recently the great British (snowflake) paper of record, The Guardian, revealed that the individual formerly known as the most powerful man in the world is terrified of elasmobranchs – and that includes our sweet, delightful Thresher Sharks.
As a business (Corporations are people, my friend) we are passionate about our daily interactions with the elegant and gentle Alopias pelagicus and will not have them defamed, slandered or libelled in the public sphere. Not on our watch.
One time close friend of the President and former Catholic school choir soloist Ms Stormy Daniels revealed:
“He is obsessed with sharks” she said. “Terrified of sharks. He was like, ‘I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.’ He was like riveted. He was like obsessed. It’s so strange, I know.”
For the first time In blog history we are . . . speechless.
Indeed in 2013 the self made heir to a fortune and world’s best known hair stylist infamously tweeted:
“Sharks are last on my list – other than perhaps the losers and haters of the World!”
Lets visualise that beloved reader . . .
995 – Steve Bannon
996 – S**thole Countries
997 – All Democrats and most Republicans
998 – Sharks
999 – Losers
1000 – Haters
But fear not, we are not here to antagonise or anger, we are not here to build walls but to tear them down.
Mr President Trump Jnr Sir, if you have managed to pay attention this far, we would like to offer you a FREE PADI Open Water Course AND then FREE Deep Adventure dive so you can come and see our amazing, gentle, beautiful, beguiling and really, really, really tremendously not terrifying sharks all for yourself. Big leagues.
We would be honoured, Mr President, to host you and Melania and even future first female President of the United States, Ivanka to an all expenses stay with us for some shark therapy and true Filipino hospitality.
And if you need any more convincing here are some more reasons why you’d love it.
- The shark dive leaves at 4.45am so going to bed at 6.30pm is like TOTALLY ok.
- Our AC Deluxe rooms have TWO Queen beds so Melania will really appreciate that.
- Gloves are not allowed when diving here so no awkward moments having to ask for a pair of XXXS.
- We have some of the best regarded home made burgers and twice cooked fries in Cebu here in the Craic House so all dietary requirements can be met!
- Finally our free internet is Twitter ready so no problem tweeting regular updates about your amazing dive training and posting shots of you and our conservative right wing, non-Mexican sharks.
So Mr President, just email us directly on firstname.lastname@example.org and we will graciously take care of the rest.
We;’d like to apologise to anyone offended by this blog. We are really very sorry you do not have a sense of humour as it is just a bit of fun. If this is your first time reading Evolution’s blog then don’t worry we’ll be back to photos of nudibranchs and happy divers next week!